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Real and not always exciting adventures in life.

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Sunday, April 10, 2005

What if...

My vacation is officially 11 days away. I am so anxious to go, but at the same time, I long to stay here. I have never left Sophia for this long before. She is usually right by my side. She once left me to go to the beach with her grandparents and I have left her at their house to spend the night, but I have never left her at the airport to board a plane. While I am not afraid to fly, I have been feeling apprehensive about going. Someplace in the deep recesses of my mind I think "What if?"

What if my plane crashes? Will Sophia know how much I loved her? Will she have any remembrance of me? Will the people who are left to raise her teach her what I would want her to know? Will they love her like I do?

These are all questions that I have tossed around in my mind for several weeks. Every time I think I am comfortable with the answer to one of the questions, another one comes rolling along to fortify my doubt. It is hard for me to explain how I feel about these questions, because even though I love my husband, I have never experienced the love and devotion that I have for my child. She is what I think about when I wake up and what I think about before I go to sleep.

I am a firm believer that there is no greater love than to be loved by a child. They love you unconditionally. Sophia trusts me and loves me no matter how I look or what I say. This is truly a wonderful thing.

While I know that I am lucky, I know that Sophia is lucky, too! She has many adults around her who love her and encourage her. I wish that I could say that for all children, but there are many out there who have don't even their most basic needs of life met. I want her to know that it is important to give of oneself whenever possible to help somebody in need. I want her to realize that the world is a wonderful place that is meant to be cherished and not squandered for future generations. I want her to go to school, so that she can make a difference. Most of all I want her to be kind and compassionate, so that she can take her many blessings and use them to the best that she can to help others.

While I know that this is no small order, this is just in case. So if something should happen to me, please make sure to pass this along and if not for Sophia for some other child who desperately needs your help. It is a wonderful thing to help a child!!

Good night and dream of unconditional love!


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