Confession...
"Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been over fourteen years since my last confession." These are the words I said to the priest when I went to confession last week. I had only been one other time. My friend who goes said how great he always feels after he goes, I decided to give it a try. I gave things some thought and wrote down what I wanted to remember. Of my sins the one that the priest advised that I should work on was the one where I said that I have problems honoring my mother and father.
He gave me some advice. He said to try to work things out by clearing the slate, by drawing a line on the sand and not bringing the past into the situation. So I did just that. My mom had called to get together before Christmas, so I told her to come on the 23rd and that I would make her lunch.
She got here pretty much close to the time that I told her to. She normally arrives way early. She gave us gifts and we gave her some. She ate the food I had prepared like she had not eaten in three weeks. There was little conversation during lunch, because there was no room to get any words in, in between bites. She did not interact with the kids. The only time she even held the baby was once when she knocked him down. He (in my opinion) is a cutey so I have a hard time understanding how she could avoid holding him. Sophia tried to talk to her and she just ignored her. She sat on a chair in our living room for about another hour watching football and not speaking. She abruptly got up to leave and within a few minutes was gone without so much as a "Merry Christmas."
As far as my father goes, I just sent him a Christmas card with a photo of the kids. I did not write a letter or anything, I just wanted to open the door. It has been at least five years since I have seen my Dad. My last dealings with him were super taxing and I had pretty much closed the door forever.
Now that Sophia is getting older and starting to ask questions, I know I have to have some answers for her or at least I feel like I should have answers for her. She recently asked me if my mother was dead, because she did not know who she was. When my mom came for the Christmas visit, Sophia asked what her name was. Sophia is a super sweet kid that would love anybody, but my mom just seems so cold and soulless, like she did not even know who the kids were.
So have I fulfilled my pennance? Have I done what I should? Do I continue to hold out for answers or is this as good as it will get? Should I persue anything else with my father or just completely leave things in his court?
He gave me some advice. He said to try to work things out by clearing the slate, by drawing a line on the sand and not bringing the past into the situation. So I did just that. My mom had called to get together before Christmas, so I told her to come on the 23rd and that I would make her lunch.
She got here pretty much close to the time that I told her to. She normally arrives way early. She gave us gifts and we gave her some. She ate the food I had prepared like she had not eaten in three weeks. There was little conversation during lunch, because there was no room to get any words in, in between bites. She did not interact with the kids. The only time she even held the baby was once when she knocked him down. He (in my opinion) is a cutey so I have a hard time understanding how she could avoid holding him. Sophia tried to talk to her and she just ignored her. She sat on a chair in our living room for about another hour watching football and not speaking. She abruptly got up to leave and within a few minutes was gone without so much as a "Merry Christmas."
As far as my father goes, I just sent him a Christmas card with a photo of the kids. I did not write a letter or anything, I just wanted to open the door. It has been at least five years since I have seen my Dad. My last dealings with him were super taxing and I had pretty much closed the door forever.
Now that Sophia is getting older and starting to ask questions, I know I have to have some answers for her or at least I feel like I should have answers for her. She recently asked me if my mother was dead, because she did not know who she was. When my mom came for the Christmas visit, Sophia asked what her name was. Sophia is a super sweet kid that would love anybody, but my mom just seems so cold and soulless, like she did not even know who the kids were.
So have I fulfilled my pennance? Have I done what I should? Do I continue to hold out for answers or is this as good as it will get? Should I persue anything else with my father or just completely leave things in his court?
Labels: confession, parents, pennance
posted by Linda | 5:36 PM
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